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:iconiraincrows: More from iRainCrows

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Submitted on
December 15, 2012
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6 (who?)
I used to be a solid granite cliff
Sturdy and unchanging
Hiding my negative emotions
Showing only the good that others needed

I used to be a soft gentle kitten
Caring and gentle
Waiting to listen to what others said
Being there when they needed me

I used to be a quietly joyful child
Liked and loved
Trying to help and comfort others
Being able to handle my mind

I am a depressing lonely crow
Creepy and cold
Mysteriously standing silent
Sadly writing poetry in class

But I'm still always ok...
My life, or at least how I feel about it.
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SirenaClaws Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This describes me perfectly as well as you :heart: If, you wanted it to be personal that is x]
iRainCrows Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
Lol :P

I bet I'm more creepy and depressing though...
SirenaClaws Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I sit alone and stare at kids play kickball, and wish I had the freaking guts to do it o_o And then I go all softball and throw the softballs at a fence like a crazy person :P
DarlingDetermination Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I feel like this captures the ever changing internal parts of us. We are not always the same as we go on. I like the idea and the poem.
iRainCrows Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012
Than you :)
DarlingDetermination Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No problem. :3
NaeTheBookAddict Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I love the message that it carries. The imagery is great and easy to relate to :)

Honestly, the only thing I would change is to take out "and" in a fair amount of places, and replace
it with a comma, especially if it's two/three/a string of adjectives! It might not really fit with your
style, but it's always worth a try to expand from general uniformity. I feel that it usually helps the
poem open up and convey the emotions in a smoother flow without the extra words making lines
feel chunky, so that you have more room for the words that really count! ;)
iRainCrows Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
Ok, thanks :)
SoundlessWhispers Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's what I used to do! :D Write poems in class...but then i guess i also slept in class, too.. haha. Then my classes got harder (or I just got stupid =P) and I haven't really have the time anymore. Plus there were some people who were unexpectedly about being invasive and awkward O_o

Anyway, on with the message! If there is anything that you want to work on to strengthen the piece, I just feel like the 2nd and 3rd stanzas seem to be lacking the strength of the others. There's only a slight difference, but I couldn't help but notice because the first and fourth are so concrete. Maybe just a change in word choice would help? Then again, that can change the intended meaning all too easily, and I think that the meaning should not be compromised for anything. As it is, I still like the piece and the way you composed it.

Okay, that was my weak attempt at advice. Probably not helping at all, but it was worth a shot. I really want to stress about the metaphors and examples, because they are strong and independant.
‘…a solid granite cliff / sturdy and unchanging’ Really nice imagery there.
‘being able to handle my mind’ I think that this is one of the most powerful lines. Being in reference only to your childhood... very powerful, indeed. And sad. but I won't go into that.
‘depressing lonely crow…mysteriously standing silent’ Then again, if we're talking about sad this line wins it. And I do have to say that it's my favorite. It did surprise me that the crow was silent, and I really liked the resulting emotion and imagery.

The title really pulls the whole idea together; it gives the poem a reference point—so to say—and it gives it somewhere more solid to belong. It makes it so that what would probably slightly disorganized or cluttered piece now becomes uniform and contemplative. All in all, I enjoyed reading this piece. Nicely written. :)
iRainCrows Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
Thank you, and I'll work on it.
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